The Expressive Journal - Part 4 (final...maybe)

The Expressive Journal course finished last week. I have mixed emotions about that. It was so helpful to be a part of it - the accountability to the other students in doing our 'homework' kept me on track and made me focus on what was going on for me. That said, it is also nice to not have to come up with something new everyday. 

I have found myself thinking about the journal this week though and have created a few more pages! IF (notice the purposeful capital letters) I can keep working on the journal through Easter, I know it will be helpful.

So, on to the 'final...maybe' images. 

This first one has a quick story: Years ago when we got married, we each added the other to our personal checking accounts. When my new checks came, George was upset that they had printed them wrong. My name was on the top line! Apparently his name had always come first in his 'prior life.'  

The other funny thing about this image is that I had written 'your name isn't on them.' When I went online to get an image of a non-personal check, I did not pay much attention. On a closer look each check says "YOUR NAME." So technically, what I wrote is incorrect. It is wonderful to find ways to laugh at myself these days.

This next one, even though in black and white, really was sort of a celebration recognizing the publication of the book of essays and finding myself in a new place. I love the quote at the top.

There is no way to understand about a loved one's wedding ring until you are faced with it.

I continue to be aware of Lasts and Firsts. We celebrated each event when we knew it would be the last one. This image speaks to our Christmas cards.

New Years Eve and Day were always important to us. I knew I needed to do something this year that we would never have done.

There are a few more days to be celebrated in this first year since my husband's death. 

Sometimes I write/speak directly to him...  Some people have talked to me about their loved ones communicating as cardinals, eagles, etc. For me, the stink bug makes me feel less alone. (Long story for another time) 

This image was one of the ways for me to say thank you to our class for their support. Unlike many of the others which has backgrounds of acrylic pours, this one was stamped with acrylic paint after bubble wrap had been pressed into a pour. Interesting effect.

These last three have been done since the class was completed. I still work on the question of what's next. It is a confusing image - it fits with trying to answer the question!

My daughter-in-law sent me a package of homemade fudge (which arrived on Valentines Day). I loved the card that came with it. I added color to the card and used it on this image. I used a lot of acrylic paint to cover the pages. I like the look of texture on this one.

I will end with this one. Loss/grief are interesting in that they seem all encompassing to those left behind. How could anyone not know? And then the phone rings...

I am feeling less lost and I understand that feeling will be a part of me for quite a while. I am grateful to have more and more days of light.

The Expressive Journal - Part 3

OK, Part 3... this has been a wonderful experience for me. Putting words, pictures, and color together... and sharing it with others... has been so healing. I have been saying for years that a story is not complete until it is shared. "Putting it out there" with my class and writing this blog continues to help me focus.

This background got a little wild. It must have been 'one of those days' as I painted and found quotes to include!

Moving forward is not easy. I have been talking to myself a lot about walking out of the dark. I put a lot of paint on these pages and then used my heat gun for the texture effects. Obviously, it got a little messy, but it is always interesting to me that our minds figure out a lot of things even when the letters of a word are blocked!

This background is an acrylic pour painting that seemed to fit this message. The drawing is one that I used in a prior book. We were so grateful to have time - even though we did not know how much.

Every now and then, it occurs to me that there are others who are also grieving. When I acknowledge this, I am not so alone. 

Even thought this one expresses grief, I unconsciously chose yellow - normally considered a 'happy' color. I think the quotes that I had chosen gave me strength through the tears.

The day I did this one, I was feeling sad. Some days I struggle to remember the time before his death...so I want to remember it? Would it be better to forget?

The drawing in this one was done for a fundraiser for relief in Ukraine. Recently we have had so many disasters - earthquakes with thousands killed, more mass shootings... I am reminded that there is grief everywhere.

This one got a little sloppy, but it is good for me to post the sloppy with things that are not quite so. Life is such a mix of opposites...  The hand drawing was from a sketch I did a few years ago of a friend offering a bunch of flowers.

This is the final one for today. The wisdom of a song and of Winnie the Pooh...  I drew the hands just for this page. 

The course finished this week. I have several more images to share. Will post the rest next week. I am thinking that I may continue working on this journal. Not every day being accountable to the class, but it has been a helpful focus.

The Expressive Journal - Part 2

It's February. It's 16 degrees outside. The strong winds yesterday blew the water out of Broad Creek. There is ice around the edges of the water. The geese must be freezing! 

And, I have finished week two of The Expressive Journal. It continues to be a very helpful exercise for me as I put my thoughts into paint, color and collage.

Several years ago, a friend asked me to do the illustrations for a book she was writing after the death of her husband. This is one of the sketches from that book. She talked a lot about the difference between being lonely and being alone. Moving past the loneliness and accepting being alone.

This next one uses one of the sketches in Living into Darkness and Finding Light. I love the idea that a heart can embrace pain. The background of this one is an acrylic skin. (acrylic paint poured on wax paper, dried and peeled off) 

This 'grief thing' is sneaky. I am fine and suddenly I have tears running down my cheeks. A thought, music, a picture, the date, the weather... can bring on a 'grief burst.'

 

This one is a poem by Liz Newman and some torn up puzzle pieces from a sketch with an old acrylic pour background.

Another old acrylic pour with some phrases that I pulled out of various books. I had printed out the phrases before I rediscovered the background. I love how they went together.

A good friend of mine always reminds me to just breathe...  The background is an acrylic pour directly on the book pages.

I love this sketch that I did for the other book. Hearts do mend...heal. This acrylic pour seemed made for this.

When I went looking for an 'old book' to use as a journal for this class, I found SO MANY old books on the shelves. Many were textbooks from the 50s and 60s. Titles like - Modern American History (copywrite 1956). I have been ripping off the covers and bindings and throwing the paper in the  recycling bin. (Actually another really great form of therapy right now!) 

However, as I go through all these, I am reminded of the interests we shared and things we have done; family stories and memories come flooding back to me. The books sit silently on the shelves.

The course is now in its third week... I'll be back.

 

The Expressive Journal - 30 day challenge

 After 'getting through' 2022, I could hardly wait to welcome 2023. However, it's typical January weather - rainy and gloomy...dreary!

It's been difficult for me to get back into any kind of painting mode so I made the decision to sign up for a class. I find that classes and workshops help me to be accountable. The Academy Art Museum is offering a class titled "The Expressive Journal - a 30 day challenge." The idea is to take an old book, open it to two pages and express myself every day with paint, ink, collage material, whatever. The class meets for an hour on zoom once a week for critique and to share what we have done. The rest of the time, it's up to me.

I have been going through LOTS of books on my shelves - cleaning out - so finding a old book or two was easy. I dug into my recycle box and began going through magazines and the other 'stuff' that I have been keeping around for years for grandchildren to do arts and crafts.

I gathered up all of my supplies and set to work. Here are the first two pages. Since I have been pouring acrylic paint I still had a lot of paint mixed up...I poured it on the pages and swished it around with a foam brush. Then poured more paint splotches and dragged a comb through all of it. I turned on my heat gun and some cells appeared, giving it some texture. I added some words...and stopped!

I was having fun so I did a second book! It was a similar process, different colors, marks and phrases.

The next day I was in a different mood. I began exploring some of my grief readings. Under this plastic netting are a few phrases that may be difficult to read: a poem -  "I write only until I cry, which is why so few poems this month have been completed. It's just that   " ; A book title  - "HEALING AFTER LOSS" and a phrase -  "THE WILL IN CRISIS"

The next two are more thoughtful phrases that I cut out.

Then I discovered some old acrylic paintings that I had stacked up on a shelf. I thought they would make great backgrounds. I glued them onto the double pages and pasted phrases on them. 

This one is a poem by Liz Newman. I discovered her online and have bought her book of poetry "I look to the Mourning Sky."

I went back to painting the pages with this one. I can't remember where this poem came from, but it spoke to me at the time. The right hand page is a hand I drew for the book (the essay called "In Touch")

This last one, that I painted this afternoon, also comes from the book and is glued to an acrylic painting from the stack of old artwork. I added a few more tears...

Merry Christmas

 When I began this blog in 2011, my goal was to post at least twice a week. Some years I have accomplished that - this year, not even close. It's been a rough year - my head, heart and art have been in a different place. (and I did get a book published!)

With all the distractions from normalcy, I did paint a card for this year. 

Here's a little history. When my first husband died almost 50 years ago, I looked for an appropriate card to send at Christmas. (That was long before I had gotten into art. My focus was raising two small children!) I finally found a card that spoke to me and got up the courage to mail it out. 

The image on the card was of an old tree stump that had been cut off and new growth was happening. 

In the past several years, I have drawn and redrawn that card and shared it with friends - as a symbol of new life. Here are a few...

Thinking about starting over again after the death of my husband this year, I came up with a new version of this old favorite. For me, it says in a simple image, who I am right now. It speaks of lives cut short, new life and hope.

Merry Christmas, everyone. 

Hopefully...I'll find renewed energy in the coming year

and get back to this blog more regularly!

Happy New Year!

Living into Darkness and Finding Light

 The book is in print! 

If you get a copy ...and read it... would you please consider leaving a review on Amazon? I am told that more reviews help others to find the book.  

I am excited to share with you the announcement of the publication of George’s essays in today’s Talbot Spy. https://talbotspy.org/coming-to-the-end-the-journey-of-george-and-jo-merrill/

 

The following is the press release which is going out. 

 

Experience the Journey of Life Before Death with a New Collection of Essays

“Living into Darkness and Finding Light”, by George Merrill available now

 

EASTON, MD (November 27, 2022) – Living into Darkness and Finding Light, a new book of essays by the late George Merrill, well-known author for the Talbot Spy, is now available.

 

Living into Darkness and Finding Light is a collection of essays written by George after he received a terminal cancer diagnosis. Each essay reflects on the last year of his life, and he invites the reader to join him on a reflective, spiritual journey through his last year of ‘living into dying.’ Share the pain, darkness, fear, curiosity, strength, and love, with George and his wife, Jo Merrill, as they navigate this journey together. With them, discover inner resources, and a sense of the divine mystery as they find the light and walk toward what is to come.

“George’s decision to write about his experience of living into his death was his gift to both of us. Our breakfast conversations had always been our ‘special time,’ but they took on a greater significance after his terminal diagnosis. Our discussions of life and death were about us at that moment,” states Jo Merrill, George’s wife. “For several months before his death, he and I talked about compiling his essays into book form and he asked that I provide sketches for each essay, It would be a final 'us’ thing.”

 

George R. Merrill was an Episcopal priest and pastoral counselor. After retiring from his professional life, he moved to Maryland’s Eastern Shore and began his writing career. A life-long searcher, he felt that the essays he wrote in the final year of his life reflected his true calling. An award-winning essayist, his writings were published in regional and national magazines, as well as in The Talbot Spy, a local online newspaper. He also published his first book, The Bay of the Mother of God, a collection of essays about the Chesapeake Bay. 

 

Jo Merrill is an award-winning watercolor and pastel artist. Her sketches have been published in a national journal and can be found in the book Thoughts from my Bench. She currently lives on Broad Creek in St. Michaels, MD. To see more of her work, visit her blog at jomerrillart.blogspot.com.

 

The book is available online at Amazon.com  Living into Darkness and Finding Light

 

Watercolor on Yupo paper

 I got out my watercolor paints for the first time in a long time. Time to get back to painting - playing - experimenting.

I began just dropping color across the top of the wet yupo paper. I sprayed it, held it up, and watched the paint run. More color and more spray. When I turned it upside down, I saw this.

So, what do you see? Maybe the beginning of a forest... If I drop in a little sunshine and 'find' the trees. 

Yupo paper is such fun. To find the trees, I wet a toothpick and trace the trees with it. Then gently blot the paint and it lifts off!

It seemed too RED ! I darkened the sides and defined some more of the trees. I also gently touched some of the wet paint here and there for texture. 

Getting there. Still too much red in the undergrowth so I added some 'background' and more tree definition.

"When the sun shines through the forest the trees begin to dance"

Kind of a long title but I like it!